I want to be a child again

I can’t imagine the number of times I have said this to myself. and its called "Self realization". Come to think of the word “Impossible” and its one of those things that can never happen again at least not in this life for me.

Now that I have 2 boys who are the apple of my eye, so I can indirectly say that god has given me an opportunity to full fill this dream once again. Kids are god’s biggest blessing in this world to human’s. There is so much to learn from them. There have been times when I have said to me “Wow, how can a 5 year old think like a grown up and teach me a valuable lesson”. This past weekend we were driving to a dentist appointment and we were listening to songs on the CD. one of my son's favorite songs started playing and at the very same time me and my wife started talking, my son sitting in his car seat says cutely from behind "Mummy you need to concentrate on being quite as i need to concentrate on this song and daddy needs to really concentrate on driving so we can get to the dentist as fast as possible" and we couldn't stop laughing for the rest of our journey.

So what are these things that we have forgotten in this world full of stress, worries and responsibilities?

Having pure, simple fun – If you have carefully noticed a 5 year watch his favorite cartoon or make a funny face and moo like a cow, or play peek a boo, you will know what I am talking about. What ever they do, they are fully engrossed in it unlike adults who have a million things going on in their mind all the time. Our mind is always preoccupied with the stress of work, relationships, money, mortgage etc. "The more the merrier" has become our lives motto due to which there is always something which takes higher priority over enjoying the life truly like a child. We are stuck in a rut. We have forgotten how to live in the moment. How many times have you stopped to enjoy the sun rise or waited for the sun set or for that matter visited a scenic place to cherish the nature? I drive on the same highway everyday to get to work in the wee hours and I have never ever bothered to appreciate the beauty of sun rise. My mind is usually preoccupied with planning for work or figuring out which lane is going faster or getting irritated over why people do not indicate before changing the lane?

Unconditional love – For this you have really got to be a child. The love and affection that a child depicts whether its towards his parents or his friends has no strings attached to it, this is something which grown ups probably never do. We tend to measure our love with how much is reciprocated back to us. Why do we do this? Why can’t we stop being selfish for once and learn the true meaning of unconditional love.

Forgive and forget – Now this is really a child’s prerogative. Have you noticed how many times we shout at our children and they simple forgive and forget all those times? Do you ever do that if another grown up does that to you or you boss shouts at you for no reason or a fight with your significant other? Now some of you will argue against it. Look deep inside and be honest with yourself. Do you really forget these incidents or do they keep haunting you again and again?

Express your true feelings – How many times have you truly, honestly expressed your feelings to another person? A child lives in present. Past or future has no meaning to a child. When he is upset he will not think twice before expressing it. Do you "call a spade a spade"? We as grown ups tend to weigh every word we speak and our every action although this is easier said than done because sometimes we just speak and regret it later. "What will the other person think of me if I do this or say this" - the simple thought of this prevents us from being honest. My point is that a child never ever cares, he is honest and speaks from his heart.

Sleep like a baby - How many of us are blessed with sound 7-8 hour sleep every night? There are so many adults who suffer from insomnia or other sleep disorders. Most of these are related to stress and worries which is related to not being able to shut out mind when trying to fall asleep, in fact a lot of us stay half awake worrying about whether the alarm would go off in the morning or not.

We all have an "inner child" inside all of us but we do not let it out for several reasons. I can go on and on but these are some of the important things that matter the most.

So I will end this post with me and my son's favorite song from the "3 idiots" -

“Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance, I want to grow up once again!!”

Do you control your own destiny?

What is “Destiny”? Is it something you can control? Is it the same as “Fate”? Can you do anything to control it? Destiny and Fate are used inter changeable quite often but do they mean the same? The technical definition of these two words is quite interesting.

“Fate” is an outcome determined by an outside agency acting upon a person or entity; but with “Destiny” the entity is participating in achieving an outcome that is directly related to itself. Modern usage defines fate as a power or agency that predetermines and orders the course of events. Fate defines events as ordered or "inevitable". Fate is used in regard to the finality of events as they have worked themselves out; and that same sense of finality, projected into the future to become the inevitability of events as they will work themselves out, is Destiny.

Some people don’t believe in this theory at all. They are clairvoyant and believe that “A person makes his own destiny” This may be true. However you’re “Attitude” has a big role to play here. Some people feel very nervous when they are in situations where they are not in control of the events or the things that are happening to them.

Some also say that you pay for your sins in this same life and this makes it their “Fate”. Take for example a person who is suffering from a fatal disease or even for that matter a medical condition for which the treatment is next to impossible or the surgical treatment carries such high risk that the person would rather choose to live with it instead of go through the surgical intervention. What would you call this? Is it his “fate”? Does it mean he has sinned earlier in his life for which he is now paying for?

It’s all about “Attitude” and how you react to it. You can choose to accept it as your “Fate” and suffer your whole life or you change your attitude and learn to fight it. A great way to shut the pain is to ignore it all together. Now this is easier said than done but it is possible. I am speaking from personal experience. It’s also called “Awareness”. You have arms and legs and their purpose is to help the motion of your body. You carry on with your daily chores without being aware of them. But on one fine day you have a pain in the leg and you become “aware” of it. The more you pay attention to it the more it hurts. But if you ignore it and shift the focus of your mind to something else you will realize that the pain doesn’t feel as bad or it sometimes vanishes. At that point you may or may not choose to treat it.

“Not complaining is sometimes viewed as the most valued complaint.”

I am not saying you adopt the same attitude towards the problems in your life or at work. I have worked for and with people who shut their eyes to the problems and hope that they would go away. Believe me - it’s incredibly pain full to work for such people. Problems do not go away on their own, you are just ignoring them and leaving someone else to fight with them and find a solution. This is what I call as being “Ignorant”. This can back fire and prove fatal at times.

I do agree with the group that strongly believes in being control of their own destiny. At the same time I feel that it takes a great deal of positive attitude to achieve that state. Being in consulting world I am a firm believer of the quote “The only thing constant is the change”. So as long as you believe in yourself and are receptive to adjust, accommodate and factor for the “Unexpected” you will control your own destiny. And more than ever you need to forget the “past”, believe in “today” and not worry about the “future”.

Like the great master Oogway in the movie Kung Fu Panda says “Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift which is why it’s called present”.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going!!

We all dream a dream every night. But how come we don’t remember most of these dreams when we wake up in the morning. Is it that we are just not dreaming big enough? Do you ever catch yourself day dreaming at work or while driving? What do you think about when you day dream? Is it about a new car, new house, your girl friend or your career or just about a situation at work? Our life is full of things which we continue to think about consciously or sub consciously.

Day dreaming typically means you are thinking about something big for your future. It’s a normal human tendency to think big. It doesn’t always mean that it’s realistic or it will come true. However if you do want to achieve something big then you need an action plan to realize your dreams. You absolutely must have a vision. They say “Aim for the moon and even if you don’t reach the moon you will land amongst the stars!!”

You may have a dream of climbing Mount Everest and I am using Everest as a metaphor here. You must realize that the climb is going to be tough and steep. You may feel satisfied and content once you have reached the top and realized your dream or you may realize that it wasn’t your dream and you were living someone else’s dream.

Now getting started isn’t always easy and neither is finding the right path to your destination. The challenge is to keep on going and not lose hope or focus mid way. So it’s important to have certain traits to achieve the success.

1. Having a realistic dream: It’s important to have a realistic goal. It’s easy to say “I want to be Bill Gates or the richest person on this earth” but is it realistic for you? So realize your potential, understand your limitations and plan accordingly.
2. Have short term goals to achieve the long term goals: You need to make a conscious effort to set intermediate milestones to reach your end goal. The mountain will appear to be big but once you reach an intermediate milestone and learn to celebrate every small achievement the journey will be more entertaining.
3. Take a break and enjoy the moments: You can’t always run at 100 miles/hour. You do need to understand that we are after all human beings. We need a break and enjoy the moments. So stop and take the time to enjoy the view while you are climbing the mountain of your dreams. Make every step count and you will find yourself charged and well motivated for the next milestone.
4. Prepare for failures: Life is not perfect, neither is it a bed of roses. You will stumble along the way. Your path will be full of stones, rocks and pot holes. You must prepare yourself for setbacks and failures. “Success is not final neither is failure, it’s the courage to continue after the failure that matters”. You have got to be tough.
5. Be receptive: be flexible to change your path along the way if you think you are taking the wrong path. Be open to new ideas. You will meet several people along your journey who have different perspective of life who are bubbling with new ideas which you may have never thought of. So as long as you are ready to embrace the new ideas with the positive attitude, you will find it easy to make adjustments to your path.

So what do you think? Are you ready to think “Big”? I am…………………

What's your personality type?

What kind of a personality do you have?

Up until now I was completely oblivious of the different personality types. To be honest I didn’t care much to find out about it either until the day when in an interview I was asked about my personality type and I was baffled. One of the interviewers actually told me that we need a Type “A” personality for this job. I obviously didn’t get that job for not being able to identify myself but it forced me to investigate the different types of personalities.

But till date I can’t answer the question as to why be it important to pigeon-hole yourself in a type? Once you categorize yourself as a particular type, if you really can, do you have stay confined to that category or does it change with your life’s ups and downs and experiences?

Now to start the conversation , here is a little blurb (of course from the internet) on some popular personality types before going into the actual argument. You can go on and on and on talking about them. The internet is full of theories on personality. Here are some interesting ones though -

Type “A” Personality

These are the folks that are always in a hurry, impatient to see results and come across as aggressive in their interpersonal relationships because they believe it’s a “dog eat dog world” out there. Type A’s are very competitive and show it at work in their levels of tension and agitation.

Their personalities are a mix of right- and left-brained dominance. They are risk taking, inflexible and private people who become hostile easily when they are criticized.

Type “B” Personality

The Type B’s live in the moment and don’t mind waiting for just the right time to take action. They are friendly types who believe that the world is both good and bad, but that there are more good people than bad in it. They tend to be their own biggest competitors, thinking “I can do better than this”.

Their personalities are right-brain dominated. Being intuitive, spontaneous and patient, they are open to criticism, and when angry they tend to use humor to make their point.

Type “C” Personality

The Type C’s are future oriented but like to take their time, patiently weighing the pro’s and con’s before they make decisions. They tend to be introspective and enjoy studying themselves, and others, in great detail. They are very much at home figuring out what to expect from future events, even though they believe that if something can go wrong it will. They’re uncomfortable with personal or intimate conversations.

Their personalities are mostly left-brained. When Type C’s are angry they become resentful and may give the “silence treatment” to those with whom they are angry. They want to be leaders but their lack of openness and risk aversion are obstacles.

Type “D” Personality

The Type “D” really believes in inertia which they have no shortage of. These people prefer to stick to the trodden paths and established routines over the uncertainty of change. These are followers of the spent actions and executors of the direct commands. You will find them doing their best not to stretch their neck out when it comes to taking responsibility and risk.

During the 1950s, Meyer Friedman and his co-workers theorized that intense, hard-driving Type A personalities had a higher risk of coronary disease because they are "Control Freaks and stress junkies." Type B people, on the other hand, tended to be relaxed, less competitive, and lower in risk. There was also a Type AB mixed profile. Dr. Redford Williams, cardiologist at Duke University, refuted Friedman’s theory that Type “A” personalities have a higher risk of coronary heart disease; however, current research indicates that only the hostility component of Type A may have health implications.

Now getting to my point of discussion - In reality, an individual is a mixture of personality traits characterizing personality types A B C D. I also feel that depending on the circumstances the personality of a person evolves, changes and situation have a significant role to play. I will give you some examples:

• During the early years a child’s personality is driven by the people around him who by and large are his parents. They play an important role in the initial years.
• Once the child goes to school and college his personality is groomed by teachers, friends, TV, Internet etc.
• Once he is out of school and college he finds himself into a job where his real personality begins to develop. Peer pressure, and stress of job take his personality to the next level. He begins to learn what “survival of the fittest” means.
• When he gets married and has kids - his personality changes again with additional responsibilities.

So what I mean to say is that changes in life whether it’s due to a life event or job change or simply moving to another city, country have a strong impact on development of the personality.

That’s why I find it hard to appreciate that you can really categorize a person into a particular personality type. In fact why do you really need to categorize at all? What difference does it really make to someone in knowing what your personality type is? Does your gender drive your personality type at all?

Do you have to cast your personality type in bronze for the rest of your life? What do you think?

Would you prefer to marry the person you love or prefer to you fall in love with the person you get married to?

This has been a topic of debate perhaps for decades. Different people have different views on this. For years and years arranged marriage was an accepted norm in the Indian community. The concept of love marriage wasn’t very well understood or appreciated or to some extent accepted in Indian societies for a long period of time. The bride was traditionally picked by the parents for their son and the son would spend the entire life with that person. Typically there wasn’t enough time or opportunity before the marriage to understand the person or analyze the compatibility. You were expected to get married and make it all work, in other words learn to love the person you married and become compatible with each other. It’s what the great Indian Yoga Guru “Bikram Choudhury” says while teaching Yoga “It’s an Indian marriage - no choice”. This also reminds me of a dialogue from an Indian movie in which the hero says “We are born once, we die once and we only fall in love once”. I feel that it’s true. Some people especially in western cultures would argue against this and say “What are you talking about? You fall in love number of times in your life and you get married to the person you are in love with. If it works, it works but if it doesn’t you get divorced and you move on. There is no such thing as compromise or making it work”. I fail to appreciate this theory. I am a firm believer of “Making it work”. There is no need for the word “Impossible” in this relationship. I say “Impossible here just means “I m possible!!” Think about it.

This concept of arranged marriage is almost nonexistent in the western societies. This topic raises their eye brows. I have seen it several times being argued when it comes up in any discussions. Most of the times the response is “what do you mean by arranged marriage?” or “How can you marry someone you don’t even know?” This is also getting lost within the so called next Indian generation who is growing up in western societies in North America. It’s also termed as “Generation Gap” sometimes.

Over the years this philosophy appears to have changed in Indian society as well. Now a day’s love marriage is quite common and it’s also quite common to see these marriages crumble after a few years. When in love everything is rosy in the beginning which makes you think that the person you are dating is really your soul mate. Some argue it’s because when you are in love you portray your best to the other person but when it comes to living together it’s a whole different ball game. Somehow all the love vanishes behind the day to day fights; arguments over petty issues. But in an arranged marriage you really haven’t see the best part of the person until you actually start cohabiting. All the fun starts after marriage, you learn to adjust and make compromises where ever necessary and work really hard to make it all work.

So is it really true – Do couples in arranged marriage make better soul mates VS the couples in love marriage?