As a kid i was always pampered by my mom and my grandfather. To a large extent i enjoyed being treated that way. Its always a nice feeling to know that there is someone who will be there for you no matter what the circumstances be and will be there to protect you if things go wrong. It's that feeling of being protected which a child gets from being in the mother's laps by clinging on to her.
But the questions I ask myself now , having become a parent are:
1) Are we over protecting our kids?
2) Is providing a shield to our kids all the time the right way to go about it?
3) Will it actually help build the personality of our children or will it make them weak?
4) Will they be able to face the challenges of life independently when they grow up or will they chicken out and quit?
5) Do they need to experience every situation before they will learn from it or can they just learn from our experiences?
The answers to most of these questions aren't always as easy as "Yes/No". It sometimes takes more than just love, affection, feelings to be honest and answer them correctly.
So how do you decide what is too much and when to just take a step back and let your child figure it out on his/her own? Does having more gray hair make you the best judge in all situations. I know its hard not to try and solve every single problem of your own child, I mean how can you not? Its your own blood, a mother has had to nourish the child in her womb for 9 months and then go through the intense child birth experience before even getting to see and hold the child. Does having the cord attached with your child for 9 months mean that the parents have an invisible cord attached with the child for the rest of their life?
Sometimes its more than important to let the child fight their own battles. Sometimes it necessary to let them fall and get hurt and then give them Band aid rather than just describing what it means to get hurt. Its the only way they will learn to face the world. Its critical step to help develop the child's personality. The feeling of fulfillment that your child will get from accomplishing something on their own is hard to describe in words. Sometimes letting go is much important than holding back....
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woww Bhaiya... beautiful and a very true post...
ReplyDeletegetting all pampered and cushioned at all times, as a child really is not the key...i mean poviding a shield is not wrong...but a line has to be drawn...
i say this...beacuse i have gone through it... suddenly being left out in the open after being protected for the longest time is very had to tackle... so might as well give some training right from the start
but also...upto some extent i do know totally agree with the american culture of upbringing....the immense practicality is too hard to accept...
i guess we are the lucky ones to have received all pampering without any practicality...i mean c'mon who doesnt love and want that cushion :)
Hi
ReplyDeletefirst time on your blog. while going throgh your post it seemed you are just penning my own thoughts. I have been meaning to write about the same issue but from the point of view of a parent.
we, the parents want to protect our children from all the hazards of life so we become over protective but we fail to realise that we are stunting their growth.
I speak from my own experience that for the welfare of children it is important that parents let them become independent ( although it hurts a lot when your child doesn't need you any more) but be there when ever the child need you. He should have this confidence that he has a cushion to fall back upon when ever the need is there.
on the other hand be there with them and for them in the growing up stages so that they donot get lost and learn the facts of life the hard way.
Thanks Neha and Anju Masi for the great comments.
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